because jokes are only funny when they aren't sad....and in human form....

i hate kelly rowland.

Not just because she can't sing, or that she only really has that one song she put out way back with the lamest rapper of all time (which ps. sucked harder than a vacuum cleaner endorsed by a hooker) OR EVEN that she was the retarded destiny's child. It's because she stole my baby.

okay, that's a lie, but still...she could be shot in the face and no one's world would be shaken. (maybe a little stirred, but who are we, James Bond? everyone knows he was just Britian's douche-y answer to Dirty Hairy...or maybe Dirty Hairy was the answer to James Bond...either way a .44 magnum is way better than a fucking laser watch - AND DON'T EVEN SAY BOND GETS MORE WOMEN CAUSE FUCK THAT, IT'S QUALITY OVER QUANTITY unless you've got low self-esteem, which sucks for you...i guess?) Don't lie to yourself. If she put out a solo album I'd probably throw up in a thin plastic bag, track her down, then precede to beat her with it in hopes that it would knock her out, break open AND ruin her hood-rat-esque attire. (there, i said it, bitch looks like one of those hookers desperate old white dudes with scruffy beards and four kids drive by and say to themselves 'well i do want to taste chocolate, but i promised myself no more tranny's')

Where does this seemingly unprovoked hatred stem from? Well I watched Sway's interview roll from Fashion Cares and realized that yeah, it's one thing when artists try to milk the success of something that hasn't been cool for 7 years (and won't ever be worthy of a throwback) - but it's something COMPLETELY sad and precocious when that same ho drones on about some shit she knows nothing about, especially when that 'shit' is AIDs.
What is this, the 80s?
GET EDUCATED, BITCH. SHIT AIN'T HARD, WE GOT THE INTERNET NOW. GOOGLE IT. GO ON. I DARE YA.

oh and while you're there, read this:



Dear Kelly,
take a shower and dry yourself with a toaster, bitch.


-live by it.