quote of my life, today.

"The problem with communists is they act like bossy know-it-alls in a country where nobody has any power and information is banned."


-oh vice, you slay me like i'm some sort of mythological being and you're a sword swinging black knight of truthiness spitting fiyahhh.

i have the soul of a fat kid.

I've developed a taste for __________ snack mix. That is to say, it's infatuation verging on obsession. I look at fat kids and suddenly understand the 'why.' I feel like a fat kid whenever I sit down with a bag...mostly cause only one of us ever gets up...and I ain't talkin' bout the bag. It's lightly dressed heaven in crunchy edible form. THANK YOU CAPITALISM you bastards finally got something right. SUCKS FOR YOU...NORTH KOREA!

when did referring to people as 'muffin' become so damn trendy?

if someone's dropping a term of endearment on me, i want it to be something awesome, like optimus prime, or supreme overlord...maybe even sexbot....not a baked good.

if you think you had a bad morning....

dear world,

i put butter in my coffee. it was a bad choice, and i think i may now have lymphoma.

because jokes are only funny when they aren't sad....and in human form....

i hate kelly rowland.

Not just because she can't sing, or that she only really has that one song she put out way back with the lamest rapper of all time (which ps. sucked harder than a vacuum cleaner endorsed by a hooker) OR EVEN that she was the retarded destiny's child. It's because she stole my baby.

okay, that's a lie, but still...she could be shot in the face and no one's world would be shaken. (maybe a little stirred, but who are we, James Bond? everyone knows he was just Britian's douche-y answer to Dirty Hairy...or maybe Dirty Hairy was the answer to James Bond...either way a .44 magnum is way better than a fucking laser watch - AND DON'T EVEN SAY BOND GETS MORE WOMEN CAUSE FUCK THAT, IT'S QUALITY OVER QUANTITY unless you've got low self-esteem, which sucks for you...i guess?) Don't lie to yourself. If she put out a solo album I'd probably throw up in a thin plastic bag, track her down, then precede to beat her with it in hopes that it would knock her out, break open AND ruin her hood-rat-esque attire. (there, i said it, bitch looks like one of those hookers desperate old white dudes with scruffy beards and four kids drive by and say to themselves 'well i do want to taste chocolate, but i promised myself no more tranny's')

Where does this seemingly unprovoked hatred stem from? Well I watched Sway's interview roll from Fashion Cares and realized that yeah, it's one thing when artists try to milk the success of something that hasn't been cool for 7 years (and won't ever be worthy of a throwback) - but it's something COMPLETELY sad and precocious when that same ho drones on about some shit she knows nothing about, especially when that 'shit' is AIDs.
What is this, the 80s?
GET EDUCATED, BITCH. SHIT AIN'T HARD, WE GOT THE INTERNET NOW. GOOGLE IT. GO ON. I DARE YA.

oh and while you're there, read this:



Dear Kelly,
take a shower and dry yourself with a toaster, bitch.


-live by it.

lunch at 6

i'm searching for a digital camera

i have one, but i need a compact.
i love my motherfucking cannon, don't get me wrong,
but i need convenience sometimes.

is that so much to ask?

Who cares! It’s like the Matrix without all the depressing scenery and homicidal robots.

Attention America:

Deliciousness kills!

Everyone knows that the world is getting smaller. Borders are tightening and people are spreading. But as the population grows, so too does the average waist size. The shocking news isn’t this decade-old fear which has been disseminated to the point of redundancy, but rather that it is becoming a global affliction. Is the world getting butter with its rolls, or is the planet finally shrinking?

Most credibly experts believe the former. The human condition has swayed from the tragic melodrama to extra fries on the side of a triple cheese burger. But is obesity an individual clinical condition? Society says yes. The idea here is that people are in charge of their own lives and therefore determine their own dietary and exercise habits. Although in lieu of increased technological barriers to personal fitness, the downward slope of healthy meal options, and the trite image of nearly unattainable aesthetics in advertising – it isn’t hard to see why many are starting to see obesity as a growing health problem.

The exciting and sensationally-charged other side of the fence screams pandemic, and after reviewing the numbers it’s hard not to join in. Like our chain restaurants, cheap music and obnoxious slang did decades earlier, North American medical conditions are now creeping across the globe. A French study released its findings earlier this week which revealed that roughly half of the world’s women and nearly two-thirds of the world’s men are obese. Now Mandeep can enjoy diabetes with his Big Mac without leaving the comfort of his own country.

What does this mean for culture and the future of science itself? The major concern is that obesity is leading to a greater incidence of diabetes, increased risk of dying young and high ratio of unattractive people in our society. The insight that this new study brings to the table is that these problems are quickly becoming global. New methods of food production as well as action-oriented technology will need to be uncovered if we ever plan to turn this sinking ship back to shore.

One idea coming out of the pharmaceutical conglomerate Roche and Abbott is drug therapy for the global population. This of course will come at a cost, which makes you wonder if this wonderful and selfless corporation had any hand in producing the foods which got us here in the first place. But I digress; two pills, one solution. The red pill will break down the existing fat cells in your body, combating your current weight problem while the blue pill suppresses your appetite. This of course comes as a shock to the coffee-and-cigarette population who have already been skipping breakfast for years (but no one asked those skinny bastards.)

The alternative is to hire someone to yell at you 24/7 for even thinking about eating obesity-inducing foods as he chases you down the block forcing you to sweat out those extra pounds. However, if paying someone to stalk and verbally abuse you isn’t your idea of a ‘solution,’ simply eat right and exercise regularly.

The first step is to promote this positive choice without the use of stigmatizing labels. Experts say that calling someone, especially those who are younger, terms such as overweight or morbidly obese can be damaging. So if the beautiful models plastered every five feet aren’t soul crushing enough, demeaning comments coming from authority figures will be the factor leading to eating problems and the avoidance of exercise.

Social ills such as decreased self-esteem and discrimination can be brought on by this unfortunate affliction. These are issues that an individual can carry with them for life, and that’s no laughing matter. Additionally, medical conditions such as heart disease and ultimately premature death are areas of extreme concern. Obesity is a serious pandemic that has swept North America and the world over. It is time for responsible individuals to stand up and take action to protect themselves and their loved ones from such hardship. For more information on how to stay healthy, visit the Canadian Food Guide.

i used to x off days,
now i barely get through them

and with all of this
i wonder

what did my father do with his spare time?

CONTRIVED POST AS FOLLOWS

the best site ever: mh. phtg

Sexy, clean and well put together. If you don't like it you are a holocaust denier and that's all there is to it.



the worst site ever: facebook

Terrible. The clutter is damn near blinding, the features are pointless, the art direction is questionably existent AND it's a life ruiner.


If you disagree then you should be shot from a cannon to a communist state and forced to manufacture bland products for the rest of your life.

never watched carebears...

as a child, my idea of a good time was far removed from watching that trite bullshit.

first off, i hate bears...especially obese ones that live in the sky and care about things.

secondly, there were better shows going on...like x-men and ninja turtles, and everyone knows that mutants trump acid-trip animals every time.

i had a bottle of juice break open and soak my dress shoes today.
it made me realize that the overuse of plastic material leaves our society open to breakage;

our downfall is coming in the form of leaked mango concentrate.



also, obesity is an epidemic - even for poor people.
preach consumption and question our gains....oh the media, how i love you so.

because I'm up this early on a friday...

there are thing in this life that i hate; here's a list in no particular order....

• when the coffee's bad
• being out of cream but half asleep
• the mornings your significant lover is at work by the time you wake up
• having to work a 12 hour day
• people
• bullets that are diamonds
• when douchebags pretend they're all righteous even though they've lived a kush lifestyle and couldn't deal a day in the life they criticize
  
• the measurement of time
• commitments
• the gradual transition from nice weather to hellish cold
• rain when you've got somewhere to be
• waking up when you'd rather be peacing
• dryer lint that only ever seems to get stuck to my only blank black polo
• plans not far enough in advance that its too late to do anything
• plans so far in advance that you forget they even exist
• people who shouldn't plan shit but do anyway
• fake pregnancies as an attempt to hold on to a burnt out flame
• girls that have actually tried that
• girls that WILL eventually try that
• trifling ho's
• uniforms
• drunk people (mostly just when I'm sober)
• the platypus
  
• junkies that ask you for change instead of just robbing some body (it's just being lazy)
• drunk polish people that I don't know who revert back to a drunken language I don't understand while I'm waiting in line behind them
• people who don't appreciate post-its
• judgefulness (HA)
• time that keeps on slipping like a Del song
  
• bears
• arbitrary lists of ambiguity

the list of things i love outweighs this ten fold,
kinda like a gypsy in a knife fight with a high school student.

TIME TO GO TO WORK

i work with depressing ghetto cats pissing their money away on glue factory rejects,

my girlfriend works at a high-end fashion mag where her work gets published.


oh, life.

i just finished my first dj set
it was my first time spinning cd's
and i don't really use/hold on to cd's anymore
why?
because they're obsolete mostly,
except in vehicles without ipod connectability.

i've decided to buy a mac when i get back from amsterdam.

lavish in the ghetto.

people that gamble should probably not gamble.
eloquent, i know.

those who can't, gamble.
those who can, know better.

well let me rephrase:

those who can't play slots,
those who can know better.

...and betting your child's college fund on a future adhesive just has bad choice written all over it,

yet some how they manage to make so many cash dollars every day.
if a corporation rakes in billions of dollars every year from providing false hope,
why do they have such a sleazy atmosphere?
because people die there, and it's easier to clean up the death in a place that screams murder.

soul buying is the sport of kings.
slots are the devil's cash register.

this is not my most artful post....

I hate when doucherags comment on the fact that I look tired when I didn't sleep at all the night before. I know I look like I haven't slept. It's because I didn't asshole. At least I know what it feels like to look good and you, well i guess a down day for me is kinda like your life. ROUGH.

Also, sweat pants. That might not really seem like a sentence, and you're right. It's not, but here's one: I dress myself, so thanks for talking to me as if you're discovering words for the first time. Yes friend, sweat pants...not jeans, not dress pants, but somewhere in between....and magically they're made of the same material as both! How does that work? Oh science. PS. How about I look better in sweat pants than you look in your dreams. And that sucks because in your dreams your free too look however you want. which evidently isn't good either, so how about you never sleep and see where that gets you. Homeless I'm hoping, and in a ditch.

OH AND the fucking silent button on my phone means i don't want to talk to you, so don't call 5 times, cause that just verges on pathetic....so go kill yourself or something.

this is truth (because I said so)

Muskens also has drawn attention for other ideas such as encouraging the hungry to steal bread and offering condoms to combat HIV and AIDS.

a news analyst for FOX News Channel, also called the idea impractical. "Words and names mean things," Morris said. "Referring to God as Allah means something."

How is this journalism? Because when you write for FOX, the news is what you make it - and a Catholic Priest advocating acceptance, understanding and peace is really just a misguided deviant. Also news analysts are apparently THE MOST ARTICULATE PEOPLE EVER.

full article:

Roman Catholic Bishop Wants Everyone to Call God 'Allah'

and now for a change of pace....

I recently got into an indie-eclectro artist by the name of Bonobo. Hailing from Brighton, his soundscapes are so chill that they make Josh Davis seem like a speed junkie. His drum lines, offset by the interesting and eclectic collection of orchestral samples, back the serene vibe . Bonobo's musical stylings put me on a beach where I'm being served by European models wearing nothing but what God gave them. It's a beautiful thing. His music doesn't necessarily inspire much action, he's a chill curator, and that's often just what I'm looking for. No wrist slitting angst, or rage driven thrashing, just sit back relax and shut the fuck up music.

What does that mean? Well I'm not talking 90s new age lame-as-flip-flops-and-a-chicken-killer style "chill" like Enya. This is far greater than ambient noise that could have very well been a recording of an emu fighting a manatee....underwater. Subtle aggressiveness comes from the sharp stompings on the kick drum and the harsh snap of the snare. The drum hook drives his tracks along like a slave parade some time during the roman empire, but then drops into a free form break giving a sense of spiritual enlightenment. Okay, maybe that's a little intense...but it's really good music to vibe to.

Does this mean you can't dance? Hell nawwww, dance up a storm brothas and sistas!

Personally I've always had a place in my musical heart for deejays of the obscure, especially those who exhibit a strong sense of energy in their music. To be able to blend chill with energetic drive is a skill few can muster. Thankfully there are respectable killah's out their doing there thing.

The design of www.bonobomusic.com however simple, was lacking in terms of graphical style. Although I did like the quasi-animated header panel which changes (like the background colour) from section to section, it was not enough to deliver any form of visual appeal. Aesthetically speaking his site flopped - a good idea executed in poor fashion. I agree, sometimes pragmatism takes the wheel and form gets thrown in the trunk.... but I also agree with design purists that it makes for a slack design.

The stutter effect when you click photos, the reload factor when you switch pages...it all amounts to a sub-par site for a phenomenal artist. Unforch? Definitely. To its credit, the site was designed for people who know Bonobo. It is for those who know music and not necessarily for freshies on the scene. You have to be a part of it naturally and when you are, you realize it's about the music.

because the day after a breakup is always a bright one....

i feel so lost
so empty, so heavy
thoughts weigh a ton
and now the strings too
pulling me down down down
i wish i could cut the ties
and just let it all go
i dream of beaches
and prisons
i dream of freedom
and cages
if i can control it all
then why did i let it get this black
the south never get this cold
but this city is freezing
and so am i
i need to run from the changing leaves
and land somewhere south of haiti
and typically, no one will know my name.

thanks for tainting my mind, emo artist.

i'll dye my hair i swear
i'll wear ill fitting jeans
and fit in, because self-destruction is in
as far as the illusion goes anyway,